The 2014 Bandit Trophy
As a scorching hot summer's day turned into a warm starlit night, attention turned away from the Old Course, towards the Mathern, and from the Dacoity Cup to the Bandit Trophy.
While there were Dacoity Cup points to be won on Saturday, the match seemed likely to be decided on Sunday, leaving the focus temporarily on the individual honours at stake in the 16th Bandit Trophy. As the evening got longer and the drinks shorter, discussion was of how much shorter the Mathern was than the Old Course. Some said much tighter too. Whose hands would this play into? McDougall and Cartwright fought it out here in 2009. Derek was apparently in great form, getting his handicap down to 13. Talbot seemed revitalised, but would he really have enough stamina to raise his game when it mattered? Would Coupe's class be too much for the rest? Was Mike Dunbar's strategy of carrying only a 5 iron, a putter and a hickory shafted mashie niblick the answer?
With six rookies, this could be a difficult one to predict, but Betwhileyouredrunk.com are never afraid to take a view. They made Pete "Pigeon" Coupe the clear favourite after a solid Friday round playing off 5. He had to give everybody plenty of shots, but could they use them well enough?
Of course, ODCOC have a strict no gambling policy, and enforce it fiercely, so no money actually changed hands, but here are the odds anyway:
Coupe 4/7
Ives 2/1
Cartwright 3/1
Talbot 4/1
McDougall 6/1
Hone 6/1
Van der Merwe 8/1
Hay 8/1
Maloney 10/1
Brownlee 12/1
Dunbar 12/1
Hicks 12/1
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| A picture paints...well two words really |
A steaming sunny Saturday dawned and on the Mathern course, the greenkeepers prepared the ground, the players prepared themselves, and the pro shop staff prepared Mac's buggy. With his record breaking number of extra helpings at breakfast, health and safety concerns were raised, and the usual debate surfaced about the competitive advantages of using a buggy in a Bandit Trophy round, especially in searing heat. To avoid a three shot penalty, Mac was eventually persuaded to display the appropriate signage on his buggy.
Mac teed off in the first group with Hoss, in a rematch of their 2009 playoff. As expected, Mac bowed to public expectations and attempted to drive the first green. The buzz of anticipation from the crowd was duly replaced with the rustle of leaves as he mis-hit it into the trees short and right. Mac was unshaken, declaring to the laughing hordes "I'll never drink Cointreau, and I'll never lay up". He then spent the round yawning with boredom every time Hoss hit a perfectly placed shot to the middle of the fairway, short of a hazard (well, both times).
Mac and Hoss were accompanied by another former champion in the shape of Dave "Ten Miles a Day These Days" Talbot, who was confident of going the distance this time, and first timer Stuart Hay. The remaining competitors followed them out on to the course, and the annual festival of banditry was underway.
The Bandit Trophy atmosphere was a new experience for some, including Stu, who did well to keep his concentration amid all the banter from the three experienced bandits alongside him. Mac's tactics of non stop conversation appeared to be paying off when at one point on the 6th hole Stu completely forgot in which direction he had hit his last shot and didn't even know where to begin looking for it. But he came through that mini crisis, ignored Mac's waffling for the rest of the round and turned in a great performance.
Longest Drive
Taking place at the 15th hole, the longest drive was very straightforward this year, with Pete Coupe showing his class, hitting a monster and collecting the prize without much threat from anyone. As they say in Wales: Llongyfarchiadau! ("Bloody well done!")
Nearest the Pin
This wasn't quite so simple.
The scene was the short uphill 11th, with imposing trees encroaching at each side to intimidate the players and snag errant balls. The 112 yard distance gave everyone a chance, but they would have to be straight. The slightest draw or fade, never mind hook or slice, would strike wood.
Group 1 teed off with Cartwright hitting a respectable 8 iron to about 25 feet. Not great, but the best of the four. As Bandit Trophy tradition dictates, he pulled out a random item from his golf bag and inserted it into the green to mark the spot - on this occasion it happened to be a scorecard, on which the words "Nearest the Pin" were written. Would anyone get inside it...or guess who had hit the contending shot?
Group 2 appeared and all hit into the trees.
Group 3 came through, and Derek Ives hit the green. Crucially however, he neglected to check whether he was nearer to the hole than the marker from previous groups, apparently under 2 misconceptions. Firstly, that if nobody in any of the previous groups had hit the green, they wouldn't have left an empty green and put the marker on the fairway, but would have placed it carefully on the green. Secondly, that in order to determine which shot was nearer the pin, it was necessary to know the name of the person whose ball had been marked.
So controversially, Ives returned to the clubhouse believing he had won the nearest the pin as the only player to hit the green. Debate raged for many hours as to the merits of his shot, the marker left by group one, and whether it should have had a name on it. A committee was formed to try and get a clear ruling on the subject.
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| The committee in serious and sober discussion |
The committee's first report declared that what mattered was which ball was nearer the hole.
The committee's second report decided that they didn't give a toss whether Derek knew who left the marker, was his ball nearer?
The committee's third report concluded that they couldn't care less what proper golf societies do, this is the Bandit Trophy.
The committee's fourth report reported that it didn't matter whether it had a name on it or not, it only mattered which ball was nearer.
The committee's fifth report agreed that the whole thing was getting out of hand, we were going round in circles, and it was starting to spoil their enjoyment of dinner.
The matter was finally settled when a member of the public, known only as "Wendy", watching the event at home on television phoned in and confirmed that Derek's ball had indeed been nearer than Paul's marker. Derek Ives was confirmed as the Nearest the Pin winner. As they say in Wales - "Llongyfarchiadau!" ("Make sure you measure it next time!")
Hay makes it while the sun shines
When the results were finally in, it was Stuart Hay, in his first appearance, who ran out the Bandit Trophy winner with a superb round, notching 36 points playing off 25 (for the last time) and pipping the consistent Pete Coupe by a point.
Stu was particularly effective around the green and deserved his victory for staying focused and ignoring all the gamesmanship, goading, gloating and verbal jousting going on around him in his fourball. He triumphed in style and without attracting even the slightest suggestion (er...until now) that he had pulled off a handicap coup by scoring a mere 22 points on Friday. A few eyebrows were raised when officials of Betwhileyouredrunk.com were seen passing him glasses of Macallan later that evening, but the ODCOC committee declined to investigate, describing it as a "relief that Derek didn't win again".
Results of the 2014 Bandit Trophy:
1st Stuart Hay 36 points
2nd Pete Coupe 35 points
3rd Alan Maloney 31 points
Well done Stu - great golf! We'll keep a closer eye on you next time! Can you do it again next year off 23?
The top three places were all filled by rookies - is this a new world order?
Nice to see some higher scores than last year. How would they affect the Dacoity Cup?
Despite the pressure
on Derek Ives as his England team faced a ROW backlash, all was not well in the
Rest of the World camp either, with questions asked about the loyalty of some
members of the team who were caught wearing their oppositions badge on their hat.
Could they really mount an effective last day charge with "Twat It"
Talbot seemingly unsure if he was on the right team? 
