2013 Dacoity Cup - Celtic Manor Resort, Wales

The Inaugural Dacoity Cup was held from July 26-28 at the Celtic Manor Resort in Newport, Wales. It was contested between a team representing England and a team representing the Rest of The World.

A combination of injury and indifference affecting the Rest's previously top ranked player David Talbot, who was defending the Bandit Trophy, enabled England to take an early lead which they never relinquished. Despite passionate (but rather simplistic) motivational speeches from Captain Alan McDougall ("Make sure you stuff em boys I'm counting on you!"), the Rest had too much to do to rescue the Cup. They won the final session on Sunday but it was too little too late as the all conquering Derek Ives skippered England to victory as well as recapturing the Bandit Trophy.

Dacoity Cup format:

The captains put their teams in pairs and then put the pairs in order providing 2 fourball matches decided by highest combined Stableford score. The captains also supplied (in secret) a singles order, providing 4 further matches each day, which were straight Stableford. With 6 points available each day, a total of 18 were available meaning 9.5 were needed to win. The singles results were revealed after each round.

Day 1 (Roman Road Course):

Ives & Stone 61 beat McDougall & Van der Merwe 52

Cartwright & Maybury 47 beat Talbot & Dunbar 44

Cartwright 29 halved with McDougall 29

Ives 34 beat Van der Merwe 23

Maybury 23 lost to Dunbar 33

Stone 12 beat Talbot 11 (played over 11 holes due to Talbot's injury)

 

A strong start by Ives and a some straight hitting from Maybury helped their pairs to wins, giving England the early advantage.

Score after Day 1: England 4.5 Rest of World 1.5

The Rest of the World Team at the Twenty Ten

Day 2 took place on the Twenty Ten course that hosted the Ryder Cup, making it the most glamorous ever edition of the Bandit Trophy, as well as the second day of the team competition. Despite their first day struggles and injuries, and Dunbar's refusal to accept his first day form would last any longer, the Rest of the World remained optimistic on their arrival at the Twenty Ten. However, Dunbar's pessimism turned out to be justified as early chants of R-O-W were dampened by the rain.


Day 2 results (England first):
Ives & Cartwright 48 beat McDougall & Talbot 43
Stone & Maybury 30 beat Dunbar & Van der Merwe 28 
Stone 18 lost to Talbot 19
Ives 24 beat Dunbar 8
Maybury 12 lost to Van der Merwe 20
Cartwright 24 beat McDougall 23

Score after Day 2: England 8.5 Rest of the World 3.5

Lefty looking great!

A nail-biting finish to Day 2 included a 5-4-5 finish by Cartwright who having claimed the Longest Drive with a beauty at the 11th hole, drove superbly at 16 to set up a bogey and then followed it with a perfect drive at 18 and then hit a phenomenal 6 iron from 133 yards across the lake to claim a par and 3 essential points which clinched a tie in the Bandit Trophy and a narrow win over McDougall in the final singles match of the day.

With England needing just 1 point on Sunday, the difference in the Captains moods was clear to see at dinner on Saturday night. Derek relaxed knowing he could beat Paul in the playoff and his team was almost assured of victory. He had a restful night's sleep dreaming of celebrating with his team. He had no need to concern himself with tactical decisions, strategy, or motivation for his players.

Mac had never been so down whilst surrounded by so much food before. His team needed an inspirational motivational speech from their captain, accompanied by a life size photograph of him leaping into the air on Talbots shoulders a la Seve/Ollie. Unfortunately no such photograph exists, as it would defy the laws of physics. And his team's suggestions of meetings outside away from prying English eyes turned out to be simply cigarette breaks. AMac tried his hardest to raise team spirits but the required oratory skills seemed to be missing. Perhaps he regretted the non-selection of a certain Fijian player renowned for Churchillian speeches after several pints of Guinness.   

Nonetheless, with McDougall's phone switched off to avoid being woken by scurrilous texts or voicemails from the English camp, he and his team rested well, and came out fighting after another massive breakfast.
   
Day 3 was played on the Montgomerie Course and involved a nine hole playoff for the Bandit Trophy as well as the culmination of the Dacoity Cup.

Day 3 Results (England first):
Cartwright & Stone 54 beat Talbot & Van der Merwe 50
Ives & Maybury 47 lost to Dunbar & McDougall 70
Cartwright 28 beat Talbot 18
Stone 26 lost to Van der Merwe 32
Maybury 16 lost to McDougall 36
Ives 31 lost to Dunbar 34

Final score: England 10.5 Rest of the World 7.5

Rest of the World restored respectability in a topsy turvy final session which they won 4-2. Victory seemed beyond them when Talbot's injury was compounded by an acute attack of indifference which left Van der Merwe effectively battling Cartwright and Stone alone, but there was an excellent showing from McDougall with a gross 86, and newcomer Van der Merwe who claimed shot of the week with a chip in for a 2 at the 6th. McDougall won the Nearest the Pin at the same hole after an appalling failure by all 8 competitors to hit the 13th green on the Twenty Ten the previous day.  Dunbar's devastating return to form produced a fine victory over Ives. Despite this, Ives still did enough on the front nine to clinch the Bandit Trophy from Cartwright who choked on the final playoff hole sending his ball out of bounds from a perfect position in the fairway to blow his chance by a single point. His successful attempts to persuade the opposition to avoid using a buggy by claiming the Montgomery course was flat were to no avail. He failed to win the individual event but remained the only undefeated player in the Dacoity Cup. McDougall maintained a fine Celtic tradition by finishing proud of the efforts of his team who had a good go at the English but ultimately lost. The Rest in fact won the majority of singles matches (6.5-5.5) during the weekend, but were well beaten in the pairs matches 5-1.

 

So well done to the Rest who at least convinced everyone that future matches might not be too one sided to be interesting, but are searching for a new skipper following the resignation of McDougall shortly after his sacking. Congratulations to Derek Ives on becoming Bandit Golfer of the Year for the 4th time, equalling Talbot's record, and to his team of Englishmen who took home the inaugural Dacoity Cup.   

England celebrate their win

2013 Dacoity Cup Preparations

Final preparations are underway at Celtic Manor for the Dacoity Cup and Bandit Trophy. The courses are being readied, the buggies are being serviced, staff are ensuring that Derek will get his 4.30am alarm call to provide access to Dave's clubs for a late (or is that early) practice session, and all of Maybury's bunkers are being raked. An extra consignment of grapefruit juice is being delivered to ensure the Elgin Marble remains hydrated enough to wield a hickory shafted 6 iron for 3 days non stop. Extra consignments of Beef Jerky are being ordered for Johann, and the entire pig population of South Wales being turned into pork pies ready to fill Mac's golf bag each day. Even Paul Stone has been to the range. Derek's trip to the range resulted in a minor adjustment to his alignment when addressing the ball (just wait till you see it!!!!). As for the defending champion, well in true Dungannon Cannon style, the only preparation needed is to check it is this week and not next week. Me, I am busy calculating handicaps and odds - haven't played at all.

 

Dacoity Cup sponsorship announcement

The organising committee of the Dacoity Cup are proud to announce that this years event is being supported by the best new wine merchants in Surrey, Tipples.

For your special occasion, come to Tipples, we will provide all the wine you need tocelebrate. Here are a couple of suggestions from the proprietor:

This one I made this myself in my shed – labelled as Chateau Margaux – that’s one of the most renowned Grand Crus, but of course you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about but you are a financial adviser and your partner was in here earlier buying a bottle of sauvignon so I know you’ve just had a big quarterly bonus and of course I did see you coming…   £1000 per bottle

 

 You probably think this looks cheap. You probably would even think it tastes cheap. But you haven’t been on the course or taken all the exams. It takes a lot of hard work to recognise and appreciate the subtleties of the grape you know. This one is heaven in a glass, initially offering flowery notes on the nose with an undercurrent of oriental spice, berries, and of course just a hint of male cattle manure. A perfect match for something full flavoured, as this will linger on the pallet for twice as long.

To ‘Tipples’

 

I am extremely pleased to see that you are still trading –perhaps you remember, many years ago when I was the ‘Fine Wine’ correspondent for the ‘Exchange & Mart’, the campaign we waged to ensure that the grapes for your excellent range of Mongolian clarets was trodden only by yaks which were certified free of BSE.

 

In order to celebrate my forthcoming sporting successes I would like to order a ‘poke’(  ie 12 large brown paper bags) of ‘Grampian Grot’ – Scotland’s most famous home-produced wine. I’m sure you will be familiar with this wine, but if not, here are a few details:

 

The grapes are grown high in the Cairngorm Mountains, where they are ‘picked’ by skiers who knock them off the stems in passing. They are then collected from the car park. The short growing season at that altitude ensures that nothing undesirable such as ‘flavour’ interferes with the acrid juice (pH 2) that is produced when the grapes are pressed between copies of the ‘Sunday Post’. Having been allowed then to ‘rest’ for about 15 minutes while the vintners go off for a couple of cans of Mackeson, the liquid is poured into barrels made of dehydrated porridge and the midges are added to give ‘body’.  The wine is then allowed to mature until somebody wants to buy some.

 

Culinary tip – This really is the ideal wine to serve with deep-fried Mars bars.

 

If you can’t get hold of any then a couple of bottles of ‘Irn Bru’ will do just as well.

 

Delivery address:-

 

Top step of the podium,

Celtic Manor,

Wales (near Scotland).

 

Many thanks,

 

Hamish McSixIron